Have you ever come across a book that claims that it can ‘change your life’? Of course you have. We all have at some point. ‘Life changing’ seems to be the promise and go-to-selling point of every self-help publication that hits the bookstores. And to be fair, depending on where you are in your life and what you take away from what you read, these might be life-changing reads as well. But how often have you come across a book that doesn’t exactly change your life, but has the potential to save it. Literally. That is what The Gift of Fear promises. An insight into our gut instinct, and understanding the message our subconscious is sending us. And that, is what sets Gavin de Becker’s bestseller apart.
Setting the tone, right from the word go
The Gift of Fear is one of those books that do not beat around the bush, at all. Right from the first chapter, it sets the tone of what is to follow. Beginning with the story of a young girl, who is offered some assistance by a rather friendly looking stranger as she carries her groceries up four flights of stairs. The girl who quashes her reservations and concerns about the stranger, discounting her fears because of they lack reason. And unfortunately pays a painful price for not trusting her gut.
The story of the young girl, while uncomfortable and unfortunate, is what leads the way for what Gavin de Becker wants to tell with all his years of experience as a security specialist for governments, large corporations, and public figures. The importance of your gut instinct, which if we can understand and act on, can be a powerful tool to help us protect ourselves from potential threats.
Trusting your gut
In The Gift of Fear, de Becker explains why our gut instinct is something to be taken seriously. With stories of crime victims collected, studied, and analysed over years, goes on to explain why our gut instinct is something to be taken seriously. Something we fail to do more often than not. Simply because these ‘gut instincts’ never make any logical sense. We cannot attribute it to something tangible. And it’s difficult in these situations to explain, even to ourselves, why we feel the way we do. After all, ‘it is just a feeling’, we tell ourselves. Or that ‘we are just overthinking the situation’. Unbeknown that it is our instinct, our ‘gift of a brilliant internal guardian’ as de Becker puts it, that is sending us a message. To stop, and if needed, to run away.
Fear and gut instincts are inherent to all human beings. I’m sure you’ve had your own moments, where you regretted not trusting your gut. And don’t be surprised if you ignore these instincts again in the future. Simply because they don’t make ‘logical sense’. Our fears are often the result of our survival instincts. Something we share with all animals. But unlike animals who respond to this fear in the most obvious manner – running away, humans tend to make the mistake of walking straight into a dangerous situation, despite their fears. Either by ignoring their instincts, or insistently rationalising them. What we fail to realise is that this fear is our instinct subconsciously picking up on subtle signals that our minds don’t. And reacting in the only way it can. By building a sense of fear. In the hope that our conscious minds can act.
“Only human beings can look directly at something, have all the information they need to make an accurate prediction, perhaps even momentarily make the accurate prediction, and then say that it isn’t so.”
Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
Violence. Fear. And the human nature
How often do you switch to a news channel and come across some news involving some sort of violence? Or perhaps another way of ask this question is, when was the last time you spent an entire week, without hearing about any sort of crime or violent incident? Violence, it seems is a part of the human nature. And we have centuries of history to testify to that. And while not pleasant, it is something we have to live with.
But so are gut instincts. And fortunately for us, millions of years of evolution have evolved our instincts to a point that they can almost be our primary line of defence. It is these instincts that give you an almost sinking feeling when you are faced with what might turn out to be a potentially dangerous situation, or even person. It is these instincts that process information at a much faster pace than your conscious mind. And while these inherent instincts can help us in more ways than we can imagine, none of them can be as important as saving our lives. If we know how to listen to them, look out for the right things, and above all, act on them.
“I don’t believe in such a thing as the criminal mind. Everyone’s mind is criminal; we’re all capable of criminal fantasies and thoughts.”
Karl Menninger
Key takeaways from The Gift of Fear
While these may look like serious, complex, and intense thoughts to ponder on, let’s not forget that this is an intense book, on a complex subject, written to help you save the one thing most serious to you. Your life.
- Watch out for over-friendly strangers and ‘Forced teaming’
A common feature among criminals, especially violent criminals is to get you to trust them. Knowing once this trust is established, you’re more likely to let you guard down. And that presents them with their opportunity.
Forced teaming for instance is when a criminal pretends to do something for you. Watch out for words like ‘we’ when they describe a situation where they are helping you, without you asking for it.
Flattery is another unsurprisingly common way in which an unfriendly personality can try to be overfriendly to gain your trust to their own ends. - Intuition as a defence technology
Underestimated in most cases, your intuition can in fact be your subconscious mind picking up on and telling you something your conscious mind isn’t aware of. Contrary to animals, as humans, we tend spend more time questioning our intuition and instincts than we do understanding it. But what would serve us better is exploring and understanding these ‘random feelings’ as opposed to simply suppressing them. - Watch out for body language
Why do some individuals make a bigger impact simply by walking into room than some others would make even after a 10-minute rousing speech? The body language. It’s no surprise that a person’s body language says a lot about their personality. But what it can also help us understand is how they can potentially act in different scenarios. Many of our traits, or to put it simply, habits are done unconsciously. Without us taking any note of it. And noticing these traits can help you spot signs of aggression and rage in individuals as well. - Do not make abuse ‘something normal’
The best way to understand this is the Stockholm Syndrome, a condition where hostages form a psychological and emotional bond with their captors. While this is an unconscious survival strategy on part of the captives, it invariably leads to them protecting their captors. And to understand this, you needn’t go further than any case of domestic violence where the abused, despite going through excruciating verbal, emotional, and physical pain, will still protect the abuser. A story that is more common than we would like to believe.
And a story that we cannot allow ourselves to live, no matter what. ‘No’ is an answer in itself. Any violation of that answer is an abuse we cannot and must not accept. - Empathy
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. To understand that person’s perspectives and how they see the world. And thereby trying to understand how they may act in different situations. Understanding this can tell you what emotions they are or will go through in a given situation, how they may react. And therefore understanding if there is any threat they pose and how you can protect yourself.
Who should read The Gift of Fear?
- Security Personnel
- Anyone concerned with their safety
- Victims of any kind of crime
- Anyone who wants to know more about violence, crime, and the human mindset
While I have tried to shortlist a few personalities that might benefit directly, more immediately from The Gift of Fear, what I really believe is that this is a book each and every one of us must read. It’s not something that can help us get better jobs, or help us improve our social skills or work on our relationships. The Gift of Fear has one simple, clear, and critical purpose. To save lives. To be more precise, to give us the tools to save our own lives.
About Gavin de Becker
A security specialist who has worked with governments, corporations, and public figures, Gavin de Becker is today one of the leading authorities in the world when it comes to threat assessment and security. In addition to his role in the safety of a host of high-profile personalities, he is also the co-designer of the MOSAIC Threat Assessment Systems, a system that helps assess and screen threats and inappropriate communication in different situations.
With The Gift of Fear, De Becker aims to bring his knowledge and experience to the world, with the hope that it can help people look out for danger signs and better protect themselves.
The Gift of Fear. In Conclusion
When a book claims that it can help you save your life, it’s a book you definitely need to look into. And when that book comes from one of the most respected personalities in global security, it’s just more reason to dive into it. Right away.
Saying that ‘The Gift of Fear’ is an insightful journey into understanding your fears, is an understatement. Because it is in fact, so much more. This is a book that edifies us on the true power of the most basic impulse shared by human minds. Fear. And the endorsement this book has received from the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Meryl Streep, combined with the author, Gavin de Becker’s work in security for celebrities as well as government agencies, speak volumes of this must-read, life-saving book.
